Lonely

I've been lonely these past few days. I don't know if its the weather, the fact that everyone seems to be busy but me, the fact that I am leaving this city sooner than I care to admit or a combination of all three. Not feeling 100% hasn't helped.

I feel like my friends are all being pulled away from me already, that I am here in body but gone in spirit, as if I was never here, and the city keeps spinning, frozen and glittering through the night. I think of people dancing, of my nights here, my days, those smiles in my heart that I promised myself would never fade.

I feel like being alone is something we are all struggling to get used to. I want to be at peace with it, and yearn for flashes and excitement, something to take my mind away from numbing the way I feel, numbing the fear. I keep pulling through the strands of my memory, songs and pictures and words. Right now it is Radiohead, High and Dry, and I can see that first night I ever spent in Waterloo, two and a half years ago, like it was yesterday. I was faced with strangers and hope, a future unfolding without my touch, a life growing freeform. David and I both knew the words, and we sang them drunkenly at each other. "Don't leave me dry," and my heart smiles.

Frankly the only nice thing about having a really slow academic term is the fact that I can take extra sleep while I'm sick and not feel guilty about it. I'm hoping to be able to medicate myself out of this so I can party hardy tonight. Go drugs.