Its like a philosophical question
Only not.
After the events of last night I got to thinking. What if my internal conviction that sex should always be connected somehow to my feelings for someone was false. What if I have been screwing myself over in believing this, always getting involved with someone emotionally and not being able to separate that from the physical act itself. Why can't I just go out and have a good time? Suppose that the reason I am unable to have casual, non-committed sex has nothing to do with physical/mental realities, but instead is caused by a misguided and illogical (yet necessarily complex) set of triggers in my head that have been set up by myself and my societal surroundings. Fascinating. Is the only reason that women can't do what many men seem to pull off with ease just a result of our conditioning? Or is there really a deep connection between physical and emotional intimacy that cannot be avoided? I once believed that there was always something there in my heart and head to match my libidinous desires, but maybe I am wrong? To pull an idea from SatC, can I really have sex like a man? Interesting. I don't feel like a guinea pig, but maybe I am conducting this little experiment with myself. The more I think about this, the more I decide it is a good idea.
Back up the boat. Last night I declined the opportunity to have semi-casual sex. I say semi, because I think it would have continued on a regular basis (given, I am not discounting the potential recurrence of said offer) while not becoming a relationship per se.
Okay, so lets suppose that I can pull this off. And why not? I don't really think I like him all that much, but he kisses like he knows what he is doing. What is wrong with that? Here I am having a dilemma about whether to sleep with someone I might not like all that much, and how that is wrong... but what if the very mentality that creates these questions in my head is wrong? What if the problem lies not in the act itself, but in my crowded mind? Amazing. I will have to give this more thought.
After the events of last night I got to thinking. What if my internal conviction that sex should always be connected somehow to my feelings for someone was false. What if I have been screwing myself over in believing this, always getting involved with someone emotionally and not being able to separate that from the physical act itself. Why can't I just go out and have a good time? Suppose that the reason I am unable to have casual, non-committed sex has nothing to do with physical/mental realities, but instead is caused by a misguided and illogical (yet necessarily complex) set of triggers in my head that have been set up by myself and my societal surroundings. Fascinating. Is the only reason that women can't do what many men seem to pull off with ease just a result of our conditioning? Or is there really a deep connection between physical and emotional intimacy that cannot be avoided? I once believed that there was always something there in my heart and head to match my libidinous desires, but maybe I am wrong? To pull an idea from SatC, can I really have sex like a man? Interesting. I don't feel like a guinea pig, but maybe I am conducting this little experiment with myself. The more I think about this, the more I decide it is a good idea.
Back up the boat. Last night I declined the opportunity to have semi-casual sex. I say semi, because I think it would have continued on a regular basis (given, I am not discounting the potential recurrence of said offer) while not becoming a relationship per se.
Okay, so lets suppose that I can pull this off. And why not? I don't really think I like him all that much, but he kisses like he knows what he is doing. What is wrong with that? Here I am having a dilemma about whether to sleep with someone I might not like all that much, and how that is wrong... but what if the very mentality that creates these questions in my head is wrong? What if the problem lies not in the act itself, but in my crowded mind? Amazing. I will have to give this more thought.
posted by Care @ 8:37 p.m.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home