Soundtrack of our lives...
Every weekday morning for the past three weeks I've walked the eight blocks through downtown to my office. The weather has been consistently beautiful, but this early the heat of the day hasn't set in, and the sunshine has that early-morning freshness that never fails to inspire, regardless of how tired I am. This walk is the best part of my day. I am alone, I'm awake, my feet don't hurt and the city is beautiful.
Its thanks to the music. A soundtrack of my summer that has sat on my mp3 player for two months, unchanged out of laziness, and the fact that I really like what is on there right now. Each song now evokes within me a memory of England. I listen to Matchbox 20 and see the Scottish countryside peeling away from the train, flashing past me in punctuated blurs of green. I hear the opening chords of Champagne High and recall the streets of Bath at 6am as I walked to catch the first train of the day, that early morning smell hanging in the air.
Its also what those songs were chosen for in the first place, more than enjoyment, more than being 'good songs', they all mean something. They have a common thread of strength, a message of moving on, of growing up and leaving love behind. Of saying goodbye to the past and moving towards the unknown with head held high. I have tried to emulate them.
Only time will tell if I've succeeded. It is only a matter of weeks now before I will see him again and truly be tested. I can listen to the songs and feel strong, but how strong will I be when he is hugging me hello, when I can see his smile, hear his voice? I know I still love him. I want to know, I need to have this test, but I am so afraid of what will happen. Ultimately, for me, not knowing how I will react is most difficult of all. I cannot prepare for this.
For now, there is nothing I can do, and worrying about things never helps.
Its thanks to the music. A soundtrack of my summer that has sat on my mp3 player for two months, unchanged out of laziness, and the fact that I really like what is on there right now. Each song now evokes within me a memory of England. I listen to Matchbox 20 and see the Scottish countryside peeling away from the train, flashing past me in punctuated blurs of green. I hear the opening chords of Champagne High and recall the streets of Bath at 6am as I walked to catch the first train of the day, that early morning smell hanging in the air.
Its also what those songs were chosen for in the first place, more than enjoyment, more than being 'good songs', they all mean something. They have a common thread of strength, a message of moving on, of growing up and leaving love behind. Of saying goodbye to the past and moving towards the unknown with head held high. I have tried to emulate them.
Only time will tell if I've succeeded. It is only a matter of weeks now before I will see him again and truly be tested. I can listen to the songs and feel strong, but how strong will I be when he is hugging me hello, when I can see his smile, hear his voice? I know I still love him. I want to know, I need to have this test, but I am so afraid of what will happen. Ultimately, for me, not knowing how I will react is most difficult of all. I cannot prepare for this.
For now, there is nothing I can do, and worrying about things never helps.
posted by Care @ 9:33 p.m.
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