Hopeful

To negate my last post... as much as everything is old and haunted, everything is new and beautiful. I cannot remember how anything else began, because I am here at the beginning again.

I've been listening to one song over and over again. I want to go out. I need to write my midterm. These lyrics resonate throughout me, and I can't stop hitting play.

"Where I am"

I remember him. I can remember the words and the actions, but the sensations are dulled by time. My smiles are hollow in the photographs, and I stretch for the emotions I know were there. But I would go back to him. I am so scared I will never find anything that perfect again. I was told last night that I was perfect, perfectly imperfect. And I smiled. Words flow through me and past my lips. I can kiss them away.

And the only thing keeping me dry is where I am...

you seem so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex"

And I recall the visits. The time, the distance, the hurt. I don't want this anymore, but I would live it all again to find truth. I recall the last visit, I know the awkwardness, and this song speaks it all. I want my phone to ring so I can turn it off and leave, not look at the papers strewn throughout my house and forget for a while that there was every anyone else but him.

"And I am finally seeing, why I was the on worth leaving"