Funny days

I've had one of those funny days. Days when I am funny and the world is funny back to me. It started last night with Numoy...

"Why is this called 'Personal Lubricant'?"
"Well what do you want them to call it? Genital Lubricant?"
"Yeah... and what the hell do they mean by 'improves intimacy'?"

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, hiding in a pile of leaves?"
"Heeheehee, HOT DATE!"
"Slut! You do not!"

"That's sick! I can't believe you just told that joke! Asshole!"
Ten minutes later: "Hey what's that dead baby joke? I want to write it down."

If I had a dollar for every time I said that something seemed like a good idea at the time...
"Ah, walking here brings me back, so many memories... so many disturbing, wrong, inappropriate memories of things I probably shouldn't have done."
"What, like the pickled shit? That was right here."
"Oh! I totally forgot about the pickled shit!! I was thinking about that night at Jupiter when that sketchy guy insisted on driving me home. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"I have the bible at home... somewhere... hidden under a stack of Satan."

"What did I tell you, its dumbshit poker, and my dumbshit is on a roll."
"Oh yeah, well my dumbshit is the Ace of Spades."

"I can't believe we just collectively ate cookies."
"Mmmph."

"I don't want her to have my cooties, I don't give my cooties to just anyone you know."