Already gone

I feel like I am walking through ghosts, buildings full of people that are, for all intents and purposes, dead to me. I don't really bother with goodbyes, because who am I to say goodbye to? I shipped more things away today and the emptiness of my apartment is upsetting.

Last night we said farewell to Krista, off to Kenya for an adventure in a few hours. In fact, her taxi is right now pulling away from home. The night was less full than I had anticipated, and preferable that way, although I missed several groups by very little time. I can't bring myself to mind much. I can't bring myself to care much about anything. I feel as if I am already gone, that leaving will be a relief. This is sad, I don't want to wish myself away.

I miss him more than I should. I have grown accustomed to feeling this way, but that doesn't make it easier to ignore. I miss him. His support would have been so welcome this week, but perhaps it is easier this way, that I will not miss him as much when I go. It will be one less thing to lose. We are going out tomorrow night, for the night, and I am afraid of what we'll do. I don't want to drink with him, nor do I wish to act foolishly. I am convinced that he cheated, regardless of what he says. Although to my knowledge, he has never lied to me, I can't believe him this time.

So much is already gone, and I am slipping away.