A Strange Morning

I woke up feeling unsettled. Laid in bed wondering what had come over me. I had been doing so well. I think this is the sensation of leaving, of my leaving settling in. And packing in silence has never been my thing.

I have such a sense of disconnection, of pointlessness and of being adrift. The strains of this opus wash over me, and I can think of it all in the past. What is the purpose of building a life anywhere if all we will do is leave? Such social creatures, we humans. This urgent need to connect, to feel that someone else is with us, because we cannot help but feel so alone. Ultimately I am the only one inside my head. I have grown so used to my own company, to silence broken only by my footsteps, my voice, my will. Anything else is an intrusion, unwelcome and jarring. My body feels heavy with guilt at this, but I can't help it. I crave solitude and company all at once. There are so few whose company I seek, and for the most part it is unattainable.

Went out with Julia again to check out cute coffee guys. And talk. You know, whichever is more interesting. I always wish we had a tape recorder, some of the things that come out of our mouths are quite ridiculous.

"I can fit my fist in my mouth! But you don't see me doing it."
"Hey so can I... maybe that's why we're whores?"