Envy

Last night I attended the McGill Rendezvous for newly admitted students from Vancouver. I have to admit, I was so jealous of them for having the opportunity to do it all from the start. Just remembering my first year, the great times I had there, it was like seeing someone for the first time after a breakup, and I drove home feeling that empty sensation again.

One particular interaction stands out in my mind, a sweet girl who was concerned about workload, and our conversation wound its way across the gamut of fears into the big social ones. I told her how I had been somewhat reserved and awkward, socially uncomfortable when I went out, how I had known few people, and had no friends with me. I told her how amazing it was, how many people I had met, and how my best friend there had lived next door to me in rez, and had been the last person to see me out of my home before I left. She looked at me wide-eyed, and smiled, told me how reassuring I had been. She then exclaimed, "you're so cool!". I laughed to myself, because I knew that I wasn't, but that once you finish high school that changes. Cool becomes ubiquitous. Cool becomes everyone's domain in a different way. That's why my time at McGill was so great. Everyone I met was cool.

Had just had my hair cut and I must have looked better than usual. Was subtly chatted up (not by a high school student, thank you very much), which also warranted an internal smile, he was an attractive guy.

Now? This weekend I am off to Whistler with Julia to recapture some of our Montreal insanity in a beautiful Westcoast setting. My bikini is packed and the beer is cold, bring on the boys.