Surreality

Things are so strange here. I forget how soft the water is and use too much shampoo, then miss my own shower. I have nowhere to hang my washcloth.

They keep the windows open. It is cold. The sky is grey and I long for the Montreal sunshine. Was it really yesterday that I met him for lunch on campus? That I walked in a tank top to Parc? It all feels like some bizarre dream, and I am dying to go back to sleep.

This city smells different, the trees, the water in the air. I can hardly remember why I miss Montreal, why I wish I were back there, but I do. Do all things have to end? I spent so much time yesterday crying, and at the moment I can't remember why. I can hardly remember the feelings. Now I just feel adrift and wrong and so strange.

I know I will adjust to this city again, its dull, repetitive nights will become commonplace. The clones wandering the streets, the Starbucks coffee, the empty friendships. I know these things. I hate these things. I hate how quickly I am forgetting my old life, feeling it slip away as this city closes in. I don't want this to become normal. Oxford is cold comfort to me right now.

Must go interview and pretend to be my old self. I forgot how hard it is to keep my old personality intact. I am so scared I will never find her again.