The sound of settling

They are tearing up the Parc-Pins overpass, somehow symbolic of my life here falling away. That route of death was standard in first year, stumbling home in the blowing snow. It is where we came up with rule number nine, on a cold, wet day in March 2002. The city changes, and I am leaving her to do so.

Just had an awful run-in with my most recent 'ex' (god, there are seriously millions by now) when I wasn't expecting to, and majorly made an ass by ignoring him quite pointedly. Smelsea thought he wanted to hang out with me, but I just stared at the floor until he was gone. We are meant to hang out tonight. I go from being totally fine to a total headcase. I burst into tears on the phone with my mother, not explaining why I was so wretchedly upset. I sometimes wonder if I should give up dating altogether.

As I said to Numoy on the phone later on, I can't handle the 'dial-a-D' type relationship, which leaves me with blind one-night stands or messy emotions in the long run... and since I don't go in for the one-night stands on principle, that leaves me with a choice: I can either get involved, get hurt, but get laid OR give up the D. Its a tough choice. So far I've opted for the D.

Which brings me to the issue of this summer, as I doubt that I can get through five months without sex. Mentally looking around, I have no direct links to anyone that I could potentially D without having to worry about a mess involved (ex-boyfriends, old friends, that sort of thing). There's someone I vaguely know who is heading home as well who I do find attractive that I was considering, in an off-hand 'we'll see what happens and play it by ear' sort of way.

I am sitting with Curly (who also knows this 'VanMan') yesterday, lamenting my upcoming dry summer, and he looks at me seriously for a moment and says, "Well I think you should have sex with VanMan". That's all I needed to hear, and I am hoping that it all works out well for everyone.