Empty inbox, full life... some feminist musings
So my non-starter weekend was amazing. Hit the Pride Parade yesterday afternoon in the glorious sunshine and had lunch with some old friends. My lazy evening turned towards night, and we ended up at the beach. This city is so beautiful. After some particularly pathetic frisbee playing on my part, we snaked across the city to find beer and bbq.
At this point, I will interject with saying that my inbox is totally empty, a bummer since I spent last week pointedly writing emails to everyone. If I wasn't so sure it was impossible, I'd be convinced that my email wasn't working! But that is beside the point, because I suddenly have what appears to be a man in the picture. And I have a goofy smile. I cannot remember the last time I had one of these, because with JJ, it kind of developed slowly, and couldn't be allowed to get out of hand. Not that this is any better, considering I am leaving town almost for good in less than two months. But that is not the point. I think I could actually really like this guy.
Its a good thing too, because I need all the help I can get in keeping myself happy. And out of the house. My parents hate me so much that the tension is palpable, and I really don't feel like spending the rest of the summer locked in my room.
Feminist musings... first I have to admit that I was watching an episode of Dawson's Creek today. So. The admonishment so often given to so-called 'loose' women is that they should 'respect' themselves, and terminate their unacceptable behaviour. We have all heard this, we being women, that any self-respecting girl will remain chaste and innocent until the 'right' man comes along, a man who treats us kindly and respects our chastity and would never expect anything more than our company. We are even given the impression that 'loose' women somehow lack self-respect/self-confidence/strength of character etc etc. So I'm listening to Jenn's grandmother giving her a tirade about her way with men and telling her to have some self-respect, and I'm thinking, "Hang on a tick." Okay, I will allow that some women use sex/male attention to bolster their self-confidence. These women do not necessarily disrespect themselves, but they are not engaging in 'loose' behaviour for the sake of sex itself, rather, they do so to increase their feelings of self-worth. This could, perhaps, be seen as a situation in which self-respect would be preferable to the exchange of one's body for some sort of emotional/mental gratification.
But. But. But isn't this a little narrow minded? Doesn't this smack of a gross generalization, to think that all women who 'sleep around', women who are 'loose', 'sluts', whatever you want to call them, are somehow disrespecting themselves? Would you ever say that to a man who engaged in similar activities? Certainly not. The very thought is laughable. Is it so hard then, for us to believe that some women simply enjoy sex? That their promiscuity has nothing to do with their feelings regarding themselves (or lack thereof), but rather stems from a simple desire for pleasure? I am not condoning hedonism, but at the same time, I cannot accept the judgment forced upon women.
Germaine Greer writes, "Her promiscuity, resulting from her constant sexual desire, tenderness and interest in people, will not usually be differentiated from compulsive promiscuity or inability to say no, although it is fundamentally different." Upon reading this for the first time, I felt a taste of liberation. Here, in my 21st century, western, affluent, incredibly free and liberated life, I felt a weight lift off of me that I didn't realize existed. You can't lump women into two categories. There is no black and white 'Madonna-whore' distinction. For lack of a more elegant phrase, whores come in all varieties. Just as Madonnas have their reasons, so do whores.
Looks like feminism still has a long way to go, as characters on popular television shows are promoting what are, in my humble opinion, antiquated moral values. Teaching young women that if they enjoy sex, if they seek it out, if they act in a way that society labels promiscuous, they must fight with themselves constantly to come to terms with their actions. They must feel guilt and self-loathing, they will hear that voice inside of themselves telling them to have a little self-respect. I know, until recently I heard it. I am twenty-one years old, and only now am escaping from that voice. Liberation? Maybe. Label me as you will. But I no longer fight with myself for my hedonism. There is nothing shameful, wrong or disrespectful about it.
At this point, I will interject with saying that my inbox is totally empty, a bummer since I spent last week pointedly writing emails to everyone. If I wasn't so sure it was impossible, I'd be convinced that my email wasn't working! But that is beside the point, because I suddenly have what appears to be a man in the picture. And I have a goofy smile. I cannot remember the last time I had one of these, because with JJ, it kind of developed slowly, and couldn't be allowed to get out of hand. Not that this is any better, considering I am leaving town almost for good in less than two months. But that is not the point. I think I could actually really like this guy.
Its a good thing too, because I need all the help I can get in keeping myself happy. And out of the house. My parents hate me so much that the tension is palpable, and I really don't feel like spending the rest of the summer locked in my room.
Feminist musings... first I have to admit that I was watching an episode of Dawson's Creek today. So. The admonishment so often given to so-called 'loose' women is that they should 'respect' themselves, and terminate their unacceptable behaviour. We have all heard this, we being women, that any self-respecting girl will remain chaste and innocent until the 'right' man comes along, a man who treats us kindly and respects our chastity and would never expect anything more than our company. We are even given the impression that 'loose' women somehow lack self-respect/self-confidence/strength of character etc etc. So I'm listening to Jenn's grandmother giving her a tirade about her way with men and telling her to have some self-respect, and I'm thinking, "Hang on a tick." Okay, I will allow that some women use sex/male attention to bolster their self-confidence. These women do not necessarily disrespect themselves, but they are not engaging in 'loose' behaviour for the sake of sex itself, rather, they do so to increase their feelings of self-worth. This could, perhaps, be seen as a situation in which self-respect would be preferable to the exchange of one's body for some sort of emotional/mental gratification.
But. But. But isn't this a little narrow minded? Doesn't this smack of a gross generalization, to think that all women who 'sleep around', women who are 'loose', 'sluts', whatever you want to call them, are somehow disrespecting themselves? Would you ever say that to a man who engaged in similar activities? Certainly not. The very thought is laughable. Is it so hard then, for us to believe that some women simply enjoy sex? That their promiscuity has nothing to do with their feelings regarding themselves (or lack thereof), but rather stems from a simple desire for pleasure? I am not condoning hedonism, but at the same time, I cannot accept the judgment forced upon women.
Germaine Greer writes, "Her promiscuity, resulting from her constant sexual desire, tenderness and interest in people, will not usually be differentiated from compulsive promiscuity or inability to say no, although it is fundamentally different." Upon reading this for the first time, I felt a taste of liberation. Here, in my 21st century, western, affluent, incredibly free and liberated life, I felt a weight lift off of me that I didn't realize existed. You can't lump women into two categories. There is no black and white 'Madonna-whore' distinction. For lack of a more elegant phrase, whores come in all varieties. Just as Madonnas have their reasons, so do whores.
Looks like feminism still has a long way to go, as characters on popular television shows are promoting what are, in my humble opinion, antiquated moral values. Teaching young women that if they enjoy sex, if they seek it out, if they act in a way that society labels promiscuous, they must fight with themselves constantly to come to terms with their actions. They must feel guilt and self-loathing, they will hear that voice inside of themselves telling them to have a little self-respect. I know, until recently I heard it. I am twenty-one years old, and only now am escaping from that voice. Liberation? Maybe. Label me as you will. But I no longer fight with myself for my hedonism. There is nothing shameful, wrong or disrespectful about it.
posted by Care @ 11:56 p.m.
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