I would probably fuck Buddy too...

One of these days I'm going to manage to stop being such a jerk.

Let me qualify that somewhat: I'm going to give up ever being a jerk. EVER.

For now, I will be accepting of myself and my own shortcomings: namely that I am a jerk sometimes, and aren't we all?

So what prompted this resolution? Well about a week ago I went out with a very old friend from high school that I hadn't seen in three years. After the usual catching up conversation, we fell into reminiscing about the past: namely the year-or-so beginning in the spring of my tenth grade until he graduated. We had some good times, we had lots of laughs, and we had a habit of being jerks. Not big jerks, not malicious, cruel, heartbreaking, souless jerks like the kind on tv. We were small-time jerks. You know us, we liked to laugh, and if we could make something funny, my god we would. Even if it was a tad bit... jerky.

We had a 'friend', who shall remain nameless except for the pseudonym we created for him, 'Spoon'. Spoon was so-called because he was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. In fact, he was so far from sharp that some spoons were sharper than him. Also, we located a spoon that we felt resembled him. So, dubbed Spoon, we proceeded to have a good jerky laugh at his expense.

Spoon had an equally moronic dog, who was named, moronically 'Buddy'. Spoon insisted that Buddy was smart, but we weren't buying it for a second. We once went up to his cabin and spent an evening trying to trick Spoon into saying that he would like to engage in intercourse with his dog (to the layman: fuck Buddy). Finally, we began playing a game called 'Would you Rather'. For the uninitiated, this game involves providing someone with a pair of scenarios and forcing them to choose between the two. The scenarios are necessarily appalling. Our trick was to always make the second option 'Buddy-fucking'.

"Hey Spoon, would you rather be covered in a million paper cuts and dropped in a bucket of acid until all your skin melted off or fuck Buddy?"

To which he would always reply "Uh, fuck Buddy."

And we would laugh. It didn't get old. Four years later it is still funny. And we are still jerks. And I realized that maybe its getting to that time when I should give it up.

But I am weak, and tonight I'm sure we will sit down over coffee and reminisce about old times... and laugh about the jerky things we did, which will still be funny.

But come to think of it, I'd probably fuck Buddy too, given the choice between that or acid...