Twenty-four to go

Okay so it is t-minus twenty-four hours until J is picking me up to go home for a much-needed break. Today I am lonely. I think its because I spent the past twenty-four hours with constant company. It was really nice, but now the void is gaping. I guess I never realized how relatively alone I am in this apartment, and although I know that living with people is a little crazy, I can't help but wish I had somebody here to distract me and cheer me up a little. I had a really amazing day, despite not doing any work and now feeling like I will certainly bomb my exam. Went skating with J and Co. (and although, sadly, there will not be any Drummer lovin' for me, there isn't any awkwardness either), followed by dinner, a bit of light reading, a split bottle of wine and copious amounts of beer. I've always firmly believed that a good party will end with stories, and this one did, so I come out of it satisfied.

Its cold here, winter finally settled in with a blast of icy wind and gusts of snow. I slept badly last night in a strange bed, comforted by being able to share it. Perhaps that is the reason I feel so lonely: feeling an arm around me in the night, waking up next to someone... I was reminded how much I miss it. Does this make me weak? Am I somehow diminished because I prefer to be with someone? I can't tell if it does, if I am, or if that is just the way I have been brought around to think. And anyways, what is wrong with wanting to have someone to wake up with?

I almost caved and called Roomie to stave off my loneliness, stopped only by an unwillingness to put myself into that position again. Because I knew that if I asked him back, then I would be diminished somehow, inside. I would know that I was weak. Still, I miss his smell, his rantings, the way he smiled in his sleep. The way he would cuddle up to me in the night and put his face right up close to me, our noses almost touching, his arm over my waist and his hand in mine. How under the covers and the cover of darkness, it was safe to reveal that side of himself. That is what I miss. That is why I am lonely.